Stay gold.

I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go.

2007-09-21T11:22:00.000+08:00

I'm done with this blog!
Goodbye now.

Do what I Have To Do.

2007-09-20T15:57:00.000+08:00

A glowing ember, burning hot, and burning slow.
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you.

#1. Maybe that was it, once & no more.
#2. WILL YOU PLEASE HELP ME OUT HERE?
#3. I would've loved you with everything I had.

Too many 'buts' & 'what ifs' & 'sorrys'.
We don't have to live like this, we don't.

Let us entertain you.

2007-09-18T22:41:00.000+08:00

Let us entertain you.

The Theatre of Gifts.
I ADORE ALL YOU NOISY, PRECIOUS PEOPLE.

"Passion. It can hurt so much sometimes, we can hardly stand it. Without passion, maybe we could all have some sort of peace in this life. But then, we'd be hollow. Without passion, we would be dead."

Today, I thank God for my family, TOG & FF.
(thanked him twice for Travis)

Do what you have to do.

2007-09-17T23:34:00.000+08:00

Beverly Natasha.
We look hideous. So sue us.
(Okay she's beautiful no matter what)

Liar! Liar, liar, liar! You've all got your heads up your assholes because love is. It just is and nothing you can say can make it go away because it is the point of why we are here, it is the highest point and once you are up there, looking down on everyone else, you're there forever. Because if you move, right, you fall. You fall.

We fall.

Cherry Vegas.

2007-09-15T12:40:00.000+08:00

Homecooked indian food + Thai-horror-movies-with-atrocious-subtitles + awesome company at Jill's with TOG :) I've been hearing how frightening the movie Alone was. What a way to conquer the fear! Subtitles that don't make sense. At all.

Best lines of the day (from Mel!):
1. WHAT IS ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN (in pimp style)
2. I there is now here (consoling good friend)
3. You not tofu? (we are emotional human beings)

We couldn't find it in ourselves to be terrified a second longer. With the exception of Jared. So we didn't lie! Turns out it was a horror-comedy after all. Took the bus to Godpa's place for The Jeweller's Shop cast party :) & I finally spent time with Marigold. Throw rocks at pickles, chemistry & green pea!

It was great to see everyone again :) the video of The Jeweller's Shop was really poorly filmed. Completely didn't capture the essence of the play :( not for me, at least. We had to solve the murder mystery of Cherry Vegas, bio-chemist by day & actress/dancer by night. It was hilarious. Turns out the murderer was her personal trainer/chef, James. Death by apple pie. I wouldn't complain! Played charades & it was off to the girlfriend's place :) I BET THAT'S WHY MY THROAT BURNS NOWWW. Mundane things like The Northern Expedition & Five-year-plans are begging for an ounce of my attention now.

Two-eyed Laurie deserves a kiss ;)

Godpa looks drunk.

Paraaaaaables :)

Isn't TheGirlInGreen adorable!

(Pictures from fellow loser cam owner Laurie :P)

You're so beautiful it hurts me slightly.

2007-09-13T17:10:00.000+08:00

"You can't just pull me out of your life & throw me away."

So says Rose Hsu Jordan. But enough of The Joy Luck Club for today! We wrote approximately six essays for the Literature paper today (well four, if you wanna be calculative). I realize, I haven't been anywhere outside a 2km radius of my home since Monday. Maybe I'm secretly suffering from Misanthropy. Or perhaps some absurd part of my subconscious mind harbours thoughts of becoming a Hermit.

I've been acting like I've been studying all day at home since last Friday. And I'm afraid of/just waiting for someone to discover that its all a facade. When all I've really been doing is bumming around, attempting to watch the television, mindlessly flipping through my textbooks pretending to study. Its scary really, I'm almost willing the stress onto myself now. Why am I not stressed! Why are the rest of you stressed! Its not fair. I wanna be stressed too.

(Okay maybe not, but it'll make me feel...human).

Take my photo off the wall.

2007-09-13T00:00:00.000+08:00

"Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence." - Og Mandino

I shall count my blessings (for today):

#1. No papers today so I slept till 1150am :D
#2. My granny cooked wonderful porridge
#3. I found all the baby's literature notes!
#4. The Joy Luck Club feels ready enough
#5. My parents came home early today
#6. People like Marigold & Cheepeng exist
#7. First & last person I spoke to today ;)
#8. Terry came over for dinner
#9. I'm still alive aren't I?
#10. I'm able to pray

Wow. I feel relieved already.

"We cannot tell what may happen to us in this strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us, how we take it, what we do with it and that is what really counts in the end." -Unknown

IWANTTOLOVEYOUWITHEVERYTHINGI'VEGOT.

Our cheeks can brush.

2007-09-11T12:58:00.000+08:00

My world seems different today. I'm not sure if its a good or a bad different. Its just...different. I spent a little part of the night on a stool near my kitchen window, I don't know if I was expecting to see anything particularly spectacular (trees don't usually move) or frightening, but I felt apprehensive. Bordering on terrified kind of apprehensive. So everything happens for a reason? I'm trying to remember why I was on a stool in the first place. Maybe last night didn't happen. Maybe I'm not really here. That's gotta be it! This is all a dream.

I want to study Limerence.
(PS; I still)

You think I'm weak I think you're wrong.

2007-09-10T20:31:00.000+08:00

If I were smarter.
If I could make you laugh more.
If I were free 24/7.
If I were prettier.
If I were more lovable.
If I didn't whine so much.
If I talked less.
If I were more caring.
If I were more willing.
If I were thinner.
If I were less available.
If I made you feel good about yourself.
If I were cute.
If I just played along.
If I could make you happy.
If I could love you more.
If I never cried.
If I wasn't so dramatic.
If I didn't dance around.

Would it be a maybe, then?
But then I wouldn't be me.
& I'm starting to feel like that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

I'm sorry.

Do you only wanna dance?

2007-09-09T17:06:00.000+08:00

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

SERIOUS. WITHDRAWAL. SYMPTOMS.
Anyone else misses The Jeweler's Shop? Proper photo entry soon.
I need them shots.

How many words & hearts.

2007-09-07T12:47:00.000+08:00

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth,
Until the hour of separation.
- Kahlil Gibran

I wish I wasn't such a wimp. I wish I had the courage to just push you away like I ought to, to tell you to stop using me like I should. But maybe its because deep down. I. Still.

Do you feel my heart beating?

2007-09-04T10:44:00.000+08:00

Terence Travis Chua, turning 18 on the 16th of October.
Shirt-ironing-folding-twisting extraordinaire, bite size to boot.
Abnormally large mouth coupled with an abnormally large heart.
Will do almost anything for a cup of coffee & a mooncake.
Starting price: $75.90, leave a comment for further negotiation.

(joke, yknw I wouldn't sell him for the world)

Life is wonderful.

2007-09-02T01:45:00.000+08:00

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

Approximately 48 hours to showtime, probably less. So I'm sitting in a freezing room, hair dripping with water & blanket suspiciously missing & wondering if you'll ever figure out the reason behind these tears. I deserve to be shot twice & then have my heart ripped out & strained. There you go, that's Ally for you. Now let me return to fretting over The Jeweler's Shop, my preliminary examinations & the rest of my life. Which is not much.

Since man will not endure in man.

2007-08-31T14:08:00.000+08:00

A dose of caffeine & I'm good to go.
Three more days to The Jeweler's Shop.
Oh shit (?).

Dancing in the moonlight.

2007-08-27T17:13:00.000+08:00

The reason why I haven't had much spare time to waste away on my laptop. Not that I'm complaining though, currently I can't think of a better way to spend my time. Oh aside from studying, considering that the O levels are drawing nearer (prelims in 3 bleeding days) & I'm light years away from the completion of any one subject. I accept well wishes & prayers in all forms, thank you very much.

Happy Sexy 16th Cheeky D'cruz & Cousy Jules :))
I love you both to death, still.

EIGHHHHHHHHHT days to show time.

You're just like a dream.

2007-08-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

I implore you not to be alarmed at the sudden appearance of a particularly nice photograph of the perpetually missing husband, Mr Bryan Bay. I was looking through my documents & chanced upon this (taken by my lovely girlfriend kyrie chie of course!). I miss that place. The air-conditioned, hygenic centre, I meant, not the outdoors. I am so going to drop by during the September break, the prelims can jolly well wait for me to stop being sick of everything. Okay JOKE. Mr Bay, Miss Kyrie Chie & any other AK person reading this, I miss you & everything about the most wonderful place on earth.

Walk on Water presents THE JEWELLER'S SHOP - 8pm, 4th, 5th, 6th September @ Raffles Hotel. Tickets at $25 (students), $28 (adults). Leave a comment if you're interested! :) or IM me.

(just so its not only a picture of Mr Bay)

Stupid boy.

2007-08-18T11:34:00.000+08:00

A pathetic attempt to crack a smile:

So, what made you think you could take a life
And just push it, push it around
I guess to build yourself up so high
You had to take her, and break her, down.

Stupid boy, stupid girl. I wish I could cry about it. I can't even bring myself to cry about it. Yet somehow, The Rose suceeds in bringing a tear or two. This gnawing feeling will take some getting used to, maybe its karma for being a downright insensitive bitch all this while. Please try to understand that I cannot bring myself to be excited about anything just as yet, please try to understand that I do not really feel like eating, please try to understand that ironic as it seems, all I want to do now is sleep, and please try to understand that I don't want you to go anymore than you do. But we must. I must.

~~That leaaaaaves your soul to bleed.~~

Thanks for the memories.

2007-08-16T23:18:00.000+08:00

Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change
Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged
I'm sorry honey, but I'm passing up, now look this way

Thank you for snapping me back to reality. It hurts this fucking much & I hope you know it isn't all that easy. I hope you're not expecting anything more than a forced greeting. More than what I fucking dare to give. In the midst of all this angst I know I'm the one at fault. Alyssa Mikhail Wong, you slut you. You. Deserve. It.

Some say love.

2007-08-11T09:17:00.001+08:00

Some say love, it is a hunger.
An endless aching need.

Because the morning is another day. And everything changes with 'another'. I know this is impossibly vague & ambiguous but honestly, I couldn't care less. Tick tock. Tick tock. Out of step. Out of our bleeding minds. How unusual. How apt. I think I live from rehearsal to rehearsal.

The Rose.

2007-08-10T00:12:00.000+08:00

'Why are you so far away?' she said,
'Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you,
That I'm in love with you?'

School, The Jeweller's Shop, Church, Valerie Jean Soon.
A not-so vicious cycle.
Oh this anxiety's getting to my head.

Dancing in the moonlight.

2007-08-03T00:16:00.001+08:00

Amor fati is a Latin phrase that loosely translates to "love of fate" or "love of one's fate". It is used to describe an attitude in which one sees everything that happens in one's life, including suffering and loss, as good. That is, one feels that everything that happens is destiny's way of reaching its ultimate purpose, and so should be considered good. Moreover, it is characterized by an acceptance of the events that occur in one's life.

The phrase is used repeatedly in Nietzsche's writings and is representative of the general outlook on life he articulates in section 276 of The Gay Science, which reads,

'I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who make things beautiful. Amor fati: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly. I do not want to accuse; I do not even want to accuse those who accuse. Looking away shall be my only negation. And all in all and on the whole: some day I wish to be only a Yes-sayer.'

I AM ELATED! OVER THE MOON! ENTIRELY CONSUMED BY MY OWN EUPHORIA! All because yet another Tragically Terrifying Thursday is over. It is the baaaaaaaane of my existance. I live for the days that do not start with a 'Thurs'. When I'm not rejoicing that it isn't The Day, I am dreading it. Cowering in fear in a desolate albeit violently cosy corner of The Most Comfortable Bed On Earth. I am off to bury myself in it! Lest I cannot wake in time to catch the morning car. Oh, like it'd leave without me.

I am selfish.

2007-07-29T21:40:00.001+08:00

I know I deserve every ounce of this disappointment you're feeling towards me right now. I just wish you'd try to understand. Maybe its because both you & I know that I'm not this way. This sense of loss & jealousy is eaaaating me up inside. Damn Alyssa, get a grip. Things are not what they seem. Things are not what they seem. Things are not what they seem. Things are not what they seem. Things are not what they seem. Things are not what they seem. Things are not what they seem. Things are not what they seem. Things are not what they seem. Things are not what they seem. Things are not what they seem. Things are not what they seem. Things are not what they seem. Things are not what they seem. Things are not what they seem. And I wish I was perfect.

"I thought you knew better."
"I thought I knew you."

Dark August.

2007-07-24T21:44:00.000+08:00

So much rain, so much life like the swollen sky
of this black August. My sister, the sun,
broods in her yellow room and won't come out.

Everything goes to hell; the mountains fume
like a kettle, rivers overrun; still,
she will not rise and turn off the rain.

She is in her room, fondling old things,
my poems, turning her album. Even if thunder falls
like a crash of plates from the sky,

she does not come out.
Don't you know I love you but am hopeless
at fixing the rain? But I am learning slowly

to love the dark days, the steaming hills,
the air with gossiping mosquitoes,
and to sip the medicine of bitterness,

so that when you emerge, my sister,
parting the beads of the rain,
with your forehead of flowers and eyes of forgiveness,

all will not be as it was, but it will be true
(you see they will not let me love
as I want), because, my sister, then

I would have learnt to love black days like bright ones,
The black rain, the white hills, when once
I loved only my happiness and you.

- Derek Walcott

Dark August. I am in love with this poem. The sub-standard, half-hearted discussion we had in class about it didn't do it justice at all. How does it feel like to know you've put in so much effort yet all you receive in return is well, nothing? Zilch. Nada. Zero. Emptinesssss. So empty you could probably sniff the tear stains left behind from that fateful day, no thanks to frustration & pure hatred. Okay, I exaggerrate. So sue me. Languidly Lachrymose Loser.

And so it is.
Just like they said it would be.

TIsbury lane.

2007-07-22T23:12:00.000+08:00

Our own

Quotes by Louis Illias Ong:

"You are monkeydonleypoop if i am petpetpet."
"When louis says something it counts."
"My sayings precedes all of others except the one true god above."
"HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE."
"I will HEE as much as i want and u can do NOTHING ABOUT IT."
"How abt kEkEkEzZzZZ."
"Jared. Jared is da super blow my own horn king."
"Because i am a campaigner for da liberty of humanity."

& this is my favourite ->

"I AM NOT BRIAN'S OBJECT OF PLEASURE!!!!!!!"

That is all from Baps today.
Indian costumes & bumming around & Mr Bean & sunglasses & playing guitar & rehearsals & train rides & big hugs made today a good Sunday.
Only 6 days till the next.
Hang in there sunshine.

The girl's bad.

2007-07-22T08:25:00.000+08:00

My sisters.

Or my brothers.

My plushie for good measure.

Earth to Ally. I fell down & sprained my foot but aside from that, I feel approximately 1.39848573 times dumber than I was prior to the fall.

Delilah, I bet you don't know this is for you. You can be pretty daft for such a highly intelligent person, you know. You will be at orientation camp all week & I hate that you can't come for Monday/Friday night rehearsals! (sulk whine pout throw tantrum stomp feet) I hope no one has spoilt your Potter Plot for you yet. See you in a bit, fooooooler ;) I love you.

ChemistryFan, Yknw that few minutes before we had before I boarded the train? It kept me smiling till the next morning (that's when I'll see you again!). You're amazing! & I can't even begin to tell you how much I love you.

The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.

Shut up & smile.

2007-07-19T20:02:00.000+08:00

Almost [awl-mohst]:

Nearly but not quite.
Example: She almost hung him on a Christmas tree;
She almost said something she would later regret.

Arabic: تَقْرِيبَاً
Chinese (Simplified): 几乎
Chinese (Traditional): 幾乎
Czech: téměř
Danish: næsten
Dutch: bijna
Estonian: peaaegu
Finnish: melkein
French: presque
German: fast, beinahe
Greek: σχεδόν
Hungarian: majdnem
Icelandic: næstum því
Indonesian: hampir
Italian: quasi
Japanese: ほとんど
Korean: 거의
Latvian: gandrīz
Lithuanian: beveik
Norwegian: nesten
Polish: prawie
Portuguese (Brazil): quase
Portuguese (Portugal): quase
Romanian: aproape
Russian: почти
Slovak: skoro
Slovenian: skoraj
Spanish: casi
Swedish: nästan
Turkish: hemen hemen

The saddest word in the Dictionary, if you asked me.

PS; KyrieChie/KristyJones/BryanBay/TjhaiYuYuyuan.
I miss you all like craaaaaaaaaaaaaazy.

I think I fell in love with the 8th World Wonder.

2007-07-17T20:57:00.000+08:00

What Does Your Latte Say About You?

You are very decadent in all aspects of your life. You never scale back, and you always live large. You can be quite silly at times, but you know when to buckle down and be serious. You have a good deal of energy, but you pace yourself. You never burn out too fast. You're addicted to caffeine. There's no denying it. You are a child at heart, and you don't ever miss the opportunity to do something playful. You are dramatic and intense, but you are never moody.

I'm just waiting for the onslaught of 'I told you so's.
(You're just too good to be true)

That's what I want you to know tonight.

2007-07-16T23:05:00.000+08:00

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? Just a thought. The picture doesn't do the view justice. Doing nothing with the puppy was still the best part of today. The dizziness & nausea, I didn't particularly enjoy. I hope I'll be back in school tomorrow. Honestly.

10 Points for my Delilah

#1. Mad World/Thank You still make me think of you.
#2. Your incessant hair-twirling has grown on me.
#3. I like that your voice is higher than mine.
#4. Betty & Veronica. Nuff said.
#5. I love you even when you stone.
#6. You always have everything under control.
#7. You're The Mother (& friend!)
#8. I love you from your curly hair to your awful toes.
#9. We have a song! I love our song.
#10. Just because you're Jillian Sara Ann Pakiam.

Can? ;)

This crazy life.

2007-07-16T12:17:00.000+08:00

Servers' Thanksgiving Mass (14/07)

Almost all the altar servers.

Sharp hands!

Terence, Louis & Biswas.

Bumblebee the Ornament.

The Knights.

Yet again.

Lord Voldermort in our church canteen.

My beautiful chemistryfan.

Aliens in disguise.

Belly my jelly!

Sister lookalike?

Terence Travis Chua the pimp.

My dollar-a-day.

The Theatre of Gifts >

#1. I love you TOG (like this (@#*&(@#& much).
#2. I love you my family & FF.
#3. I have really low blood pressure.
#4. I love the way you're always smiling.
#5. I think I love you. What now?

Tilt ya heaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad back.

Violin.

2007-07-12T21:06:00.000+08:00

"Doubt whom you will, but never yourself."
- Christine Bovee

Tumultously Terrifying Thursdays! A retarded picture to end it! & everyone knows how horrible Thursdays are. I am content, I think I live from Thursday to Thursday. After each Thursday, the rest of the week is fine. Till the next one comes around. I feel positively & totally wasted. I've been grinning like an idiot for the entire day & saying the craziest things. I think I might have slight Tourette's/ADHD. But its all good, you'll still love me yes?

#1. Its sad how you're so computer-generated.
#2. You make me THIS excited ;D ;D ;D
#3. Funny how I don't miss you one bit.

ALRIGHT, MIMAOPISHPOSH! Till whenever :)

Someday.

2007-07-09T21:29:00.000+08:00

AYD/Live Earth Day/070707 was nothing short of amazing. It was great spending time with the class & TOG :) the adoration segment was beautiful. Quality time with Manuela, making funny noises & pssst-ing innocent participants. Seawitch! Seawitch! Burn her! Skewer her! Roast her! On the barbeque pit. Drinks with Sara, Travis & Vincente at the coffee shop :)

Plenty of GreenMons on Sunday. Everyone was questioning the flowers. But really, do I need a reason? Cabbed to St Anthony's with the guys for rehearsal. I absolutely love rehearsals & I do not know why. But it was fruitful :) & great fun. I need the oversplit back pretty pretty please! I'm gonna infect the entire ensemble with meows & pishposhs & what have you. I do not like Darth Vader breathing noises. It unnerves me. I feel extremely dizzy & my godbrother is down with an extracted tooth & a fever. What is up manzxzxz. WEDNESDAY HURRY COME! (x 1000000)

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, day and night, to make you like everybody else is to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight. But never stop fighting." - E E Cummings.

I'm intrigued Pop Friend, how odd, but ;)

Show me the money.

2007-07-08T21:47:00.000+08:00

I miss them a little (okay maybe a lot).
Oh. My. Goodness.

Sex on legs.
Sex on legs.
Sex on legs.
Sex on legs.
Sex on legs.
Sex on legs.
Sex on legs.
Sex on legs.
Sex on legs.
Sex on legs.
Sex on legs.

HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE! (screams x 10000000000000)
Okay enough, its time to work girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl, work.

I love you, is that okay?

2007-07-07T09:54:00.000+08:00

"I write and leave behind me this letter at St. Petersburg. I feel that I shall leave life before January 1. I wish to make known to the Russian people, to Papa, to the Russian Mother and to the Children, to the land of Russia, what they must understand. If I am killed by common assassins, and especially by my brothers the Russian peasants, you, Tsar of Russia, will have nothing to fear for your children, they will reign for hundreds of years in Russia. But if I am murdered by boyars, nobles, and if they shed my blood, their hands will remain soiled with my blood, for twenty-five years they will not wash their hands from my blood. They will leave Russia. Brothers will kill brothers, and they will kill each other and hate each other, and for twenty-five years there will be no nobles in the country. Tsar of the land of Russia, if you hear the sound of the bell which will tell you that Grigori has been killed, you must know this: if it was your relations who have wrought my death, then no one in the family, that is to say, none of your children or relations, will remain alive for more than two years. They will be killed by the Russian people. I go, and I feel in me the divine command to tell the Russian Tsar how he must live if I have disappeared. You must reflect and act prudently. Think of your safety and tell your relations that I have paid for them with my blood. I shall be killed. I am no longer among the living. Pray, pray, be strong, think of your blessed family."

- Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin

The weekends are here! I live for the weekends. Which isn't really a healthy mindset, if you think about it. But its enough to get me by so its cooool. I wish I went out with the Masculine ones (Godfather, Lady Killer & Black Rose) HAHA. But I covered two more chapters of Ballistically Barbaric Biology using MelmeltheBell's book & with the company of Travis & Aiden. HandsomeMon. PeeMon. Nothing worse than a NatMon. Happy Earth day. I shall not use anything non-biodegradable. For 7/7/07.

Organism [awr-guh-niz-uhm]
Quite different from [awr-gaz-uhm], I should think.

Fight Club.

2007-07-05T21:31:00.000+08:00

How Tyler saw it was that getting God’s attention for being bad was better than getting no attention at all. Maybe because God’s hate is better than His indifference. If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose? We are God’s middle children, according to Tyler Durden, with no special place in history and no special attention. Unless we get God’s attention, we have no hope of damnation or redemption. Which is worse, hell or nothing? Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved.

“Burn the Louvre, and wipe your ass with the Mona Lisa. This way at least, God would know our names.”

Maybe its better if we stopped pretending.

Its always better when we're together.

2007-07-05T19:21:00.000+08:00

Youth Day Lunch

Manhatten Fish Market with the team :) >

My Baby. Leave a comment blown-up versions ;)

I made them do it.

The Attackers: Jenna, Jo, Debbie & Jayzee :)

Toldja the Defenders are more masculine! ;)

I love them all (missing regi&pei).

As I promised. I'm sorry this is so late guys! I wasn't in the mood. Okay, like that's become a valid excuse. Oh, while we're at it. I'm not in the mood to study either. I'm not in the mood to entertain stupid people. I'm not in the mood to take the bus. I'm not in the mood for powdery soya bean milk. I'm not in the mood to be your fucking personal clown. Okay enough.

I LOVE YOU, IS THAT OKAY?

I can't keep my mind off you.

2007-07-03T16:34:00.000+08:00

Autophobia, is a phobia of being alone. The word is derived from the Greek words autos (self) and phobos (fear). Many people who fear being alone also fear being unloved, unwanted, or unrecognized. This fear often leads sufferers to enter into and remain in destructive social relationships. It can also lead them to engage in codependency and self-destructive behavior, as well as continued and prolonged isolation from others.

In my excitement at the discovery that I was on the 76 alone, I fumbled for my camera (to take a picture, you see) & it resulted in the contents of my bag being spilt onto the floor & me falling off my seat. Thank God I was alone. I don't know about you but I was pretty thrilled that I was the only one in the bus. But I got my picture & that's enough for me. After browsing through the photographs from yesterday, I conclude that the defenders generally have a more masculine feel to them & the attackers are bordering on the feminine side.

Elementary! Math! Test! Tomorrow!
Jesus' arm (on the crucifix I wear) broke when I cussed.

IT'D BE GREAT IF YOU COULD SHUT UP :)
DO YOU THINK YOU CAN FOR ONE BLEEDING SECOND?

Time is running out.

2007-07-01T17:41:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to look forward to production rehearsals. Strangely liberating, maybe an outlet for all that pent up anxiety & unexpressed creativity/craziness. Whichever you prefer! Smiling can be tiring. And a silly drama serial my mom was watching last night further convinced me that my Happiness Quotient theory is right. There is an equilibrium that has to be met. Hang in there, sad souls! You won't be sad forever. I hope.

And so 'The Band That Never Meets' finally met at Terence's place (w/o Sam) but still the largest turn-out so far, I think. I'll upload Elmos From Hell soon. It really does sound like something not-of-this-world. Transformers was unexpectedly good! It made me want to quit school & join the army as a fighter pilot. Although in life-threatening & no-time-to-waste situations as projected in the movie, I think they'd shoot me first. I'd just get in the way. Bus ride home with Mr Versatile & I nearly dropped my wallet off the bus. Genius.

PS; You lied when you said you wouldn't forget.

Dance inside.

2007-06-29T23:40:00.000+08:00

Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought ‘Where is this thought 'Where is this thought coming from? & it goes on (if you understand me here)

Its never-ending! I want to find out where & why & how. Time at Borders is always therepeutic. Especially flipping through books on interior design & beautiful houses, not that I am very interested, they're just a pleasure to look at. I'm swearing off sashimi for the time being. Any believers? Savants fascinate me.

(but not as much as you do)
Thank you for the rose & 2 bottles of coke.
You're 2sweet + 2be = 4gotten ;)

Sigmund Freud.

2007-06-28T21:14:00.000+08:00

Desire is always defined in the negative term of lack - you always desire what you don't have or what you are not, and it is very unlikely that you will fulfill this desire. Repression occurs when an experience is so painful (such as war trauma) that it is unconsciously forced from consciousness, while suppression is a conscious effort to do the same.

I agree with Sigmund Freud.
& this hurts more than you said it would.

Where do we go from here?

2007-06-27T23:44:00.000+08:00

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same.

Does the world work in such a way that there's a certain Happiness Quota that we all share? Like if someone, at a certain point, is feeling really happy, someone else is feeling low? Maybe it all has to balance out so the world doesn't over-spill with all that euphoria. I wish you enough Hellos to get you through the final Good-bye.

I would pledge you my seemingly copious amounts of Happiness.

You had me at Hello.

2007-06-24T20:29:00.000+08:00

Down Under (where Kangaroos are Kings!)

Before the flight >

Heaps of spare time & a camera.

Gold Coast >

Totally a scene out of some tween horror flick.

Hog's Breath Cafe in Surfer's Paradise >

Daddy dearest :)

My motherrrrrrrrrr :)

Expensive but worth every last penny >

He's supposed to be Jack Sparrow <3

My sister & her weird Jack Skeleton fetish.

Movie World (& the Superman coaster!) >

There! All up. Well the less boring ones at least. They're up more for my own amusement than anything else. Gold Coast was great! Nice to not have to sweat in five days. I swear I can't stand the weather here. Hope mom finds an apartment right in the center of Surfer's Paradise & I'll have something (besides coaching) to look forward to every term break.

Went down to The Happiest Place On Earth for the last time today (I think) before the next break comes around. I daresay I'm ready to go to school. I have to be ready. Its a Hobson's choice. I shall make it my choice. And when its my choice I'll be the only one left to blame if anything screws up. But I'll make sure nothing screws up. Cos its my life its now or never (HAHA) okay I'll shutup now.

Lately I'm beginning to find that
When I drive myself, my life is found.

GOGOGOGO ALLY YOU DA BOMB(SHELL)!

And through these crazy times.

2007-06-18T12:59:00.000+08:00

CC4 Confirmation (17th June 2007)

The best damn class (Sheryl/Cheryl/Celina's) >

Cousin/Pangsai/Jules/I love her to death >

Julia Monica Ng :)

Its been 10 years now.

The girls/roomies (we're mising Jules!) >

Nicole, Lydia, Sam, Ally & Mel :)

My cheeky monsters >

Iggy Gabriel D'cruz, favourite friend & flirt extraordinaire.

Gary Jonathan Monteiro, crazy artist of my now-beautiful shoes.

Twinny/best babe >

Nicole Gabrielle Lin :)

Miloboy/dollartoy/scofield >

Matthew Lucas Seah, only $1 & only mine :)

The boy who looked good >

Nicholas Camilus Lee :)

Dearest Fellow Yellows >

Xinghua, Ally, Wilson, Jiehui & Tuna <3

Bizzy Nick, the birthday boy!

Percy/desk buddy :)

Pangsai nun & FLINGALING :))

My dearest top.

Aaron :)

Small Cheryl, one of the most beautiful people around.

Daddy.

Samantha my violist :)

Mommmsy & Daddums :)

My godfather :)

Kevin & Terence.

Sam, my gorgeous cheepeng :)

My retarded godbrother :)

Drama Training at the platform >

Confirmation came & went really quickly. I don't know why but I felt really sad, at some point. I remember how we used to dread classes back when we were 13 & now its all come to an end. Its not just the end of CC4 class, its The End. I don't know when I'll be seeing these wonderful people again. Thank you FF & Mel, Yellow Team! (Jiehui, Tuna, Wilson & Xinghua), Jean & Loo & my dear parents for coming :) Dinner at Cartel with TOG & WOW. Uneventful, save for the broken glass.

Spent a large portion of last night hanging around the train platform, forming tableaus to entertain commuters in the passing trains. I can't say everyone was fully appreciative of our efforts in bringing joy & promoting the arts though. But then again, I can't blame them. If you don't look closely enough, you'd think we were drunk. Ballet claps, sharp hands & extremely loud laughter at a platform doesn't exactly promote an image of perfect sanity. I thank God for my friends. Off to Down Under, in a bit.

When you smile at me
You know exactly what you do,
Baby don't pretend cos you know its true
You can see it when I look at you.

I'm gonna miss you.

You're the getaway car.

2007-06-18T11:43:00.000+08:00

Day out with The Very Important Men (boys) >

Better half ;)

My baaaaaabes.

Little Miss ____?

Dear boy :)

Fantastic 4 was actually pretty good. I hated the first one. Bay kept reminding me that whatever the Silver Surfer (why so cool) said was what Adam always says. That we have the power to choose. I've always liked that part of graduation, makes me feel invincible for a few microseconds & keeps me motivated for a good few weeks, at least. Thank you for your time boys :) especially Mr Tjhai who was ill yet dragged himself out of bed to play with me. Greatly appreciated & loved! The both of you :)

In this crazy life

Ally is 16.

2007-06-18T11:09:00.000+08:00

At a strange hotel with my favourite >

ChuaYanBing.

WuJiaXing.

A bright idea.

I believe this is a mild form of murder.

Two very special people.

Forever Friend.

I was lucky enough to have the company of Bing & Xing (I like the sound of that!) on the afternoon of 16th June, in an attempt to catch up with them as well as relieve boredom & potential harrassment from my lovely relatives. Its a strange thing, how they're supposed to actually like you, but they end up wanting to talk you to death. Thou shalt not complain. Because I'm sure I'll miss their pointless banter someday. That'll be the day! But they are some of my favourite people on the planet & I'm glad they're in my life. They are mine & all desperate girls who are not hotter than Jessica Alba need not apply for permission to take them away. Thank you! I think I'm high.

I deserve to live.

2007-06-18T02:02:00.001+08:00

"The purpose of life is to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have it make some difference that we have lived at all." - Leo Buscaglia

Spongebob, my kids.

Its more comfortable than it looks.

AWESOME COACHING TEAM :)

ADVANCED 1!

Extremely good experience :) & an enjoyable first advanced camp. Tiniest coaching team ever but it was da bomb! Cheryl (PD!), Kristy Jones/Jellyfish (APD), Trina, Kelvin, Marjorie, Kenny, Arul, Lester, Max & Theresa :) I am so behind on my posts. Got a shitload of pictures from 16th June & CONFIRMATION to upload. I swear I'm gonna miss CC4 like ****. I'm gonna buy Miloboy for a dollar ;)

I can go the distance.

2007-06-17T00:05:00.000+08:00

IAG1 Booster Session >

We love Gary >

Catch phrase of the camp! >

This is a week late. Exactly a week late! I might as well not post it but I thought since I had so many pictures, why not? And since booster I have gone for TOG camp, coached Advanced 1 & turned 16. Thank you all who were part of this very special week that I had & for those that were not, well just too bad. I think I finally know what its like to be 'in the zone'. Incredible. Pictures tomorrow.

You play it coy but its kinda cute.

2007-06-11T23:53:00.000+08:00

Two Very-Important-Men (boys) in my life >

PSLE Congress >

(I have the world's weirdest nose)

Retarded pictures just for a laugh. My own, of course.

Day 3 of the PSLE Congress @ RP! My darling girlfriend didn't come. Waited forever at Causeway Point for Mr Bay & we waited forever for the bus to come. Plenty of time for many forevers. It was Marjorie's (PD!) birthday so we faked an awful feedback session to surprise her with the teeny weeny cake I got on a whim. It was weird having a whole bunch of people rush up to you for a picture or your autograph. Must be what it feels like to be Michael Jackson. Except I'm really a girl. As opposed to, urm well, not really a girl. Cabbed down to AK with Yuyuan, Bryan & Vivien. The car driver kept singing all the love songs that were playing on the radio. Anak came on & we all tried to sing the english version. I want a guy who can/will sing me 'Everything' by Michael Buble. Or sing me anything at all.

It's you, it's you.

You're my everything.

2007-06-07T22:31:00.000+08:00

Day 2! I nearly swore (approximately 5 times) & it took a really high level of self-control to just smile & act like I loved them. But to be fair, some of them are pretty adorable. Well good for them, or they'd probably be missing a limb or an ear by now, thanks to my trusty chainsaw I keep in the storeroom. Or the big dragon on my back. They don't call me XiaoLongNu for nothing. Righhhht now you know who you're messing with ;) SK2 grad tomorrow!

Thanks for making me a fighter.

All of the walls all continually change.

2007-06-06T23:10:00.000+08:00

PSLE Congress @ Republic Polytechnic. My throat feels like its bleeding, Kyrie Chie's the best girlfriend anyone could ever ask for, 2 thumbs up to Amin's awesome session, 2 thumbs down to the fever & the flu, I can't wait to see TheHusband again on Friday, TOG camp is in 3 days, Advanced1 next week (!!!), Michael Buble is perfect for chilly evenings & melted sundaes. Such is a day in the life of An Idiot. Goodbye now.

Signifying nothing.

They don't know a thing.

2007-06-05T23:39:00.000+08:00

Everyone has a reflection-in-train-station-glass shot. My voice has completely deserted me. The month of june is filled with nothing but camps. I'm beginning to miss my books. Everrrrry second brings us closer to The Day. I want to arrive at mine before you arrive at yours. Selfish bitch. Some PSLE Congress at RP tomorrow, the dear boy will be calling at 0645am & I better wake up. How does one alarm/ringtone-train herself? Can't wait for booster.

You make me sing
You're every line
You're every word
You're everything

I choose Acts of Service & Touch.

Never shall we die.

2007-06-04T22:32:00.000+08:00

Spent the past 4 days in The Happiest Place On Earth. It was challenging but we pulled through & I'm really proud of us. This sounds awfully dull & reflective but I really did learn a lot. I like building karate board houses. And I think I've downed enough vitamin C & strepsils to last me half a year. Now I've got the stint at RP & Advanced 1 to look forward to :) Thank you:

Kyrie(dearest GF & PD!), Marjorie(APD), Kelvin(dear coach), Belle, Kristy, Abby, Yuyuan, Bryan(the husband), Gopal, Steven, Jefferson, Yih Huat, Nicholas, Pamela, Pearlyn, Theresa, Vivien(angel!), Chin Ping, Yeok Seng, Daryl, HweiTing, Andrea, David, Javier, Erwin, Gary, Ramesh & Adam!

IAG1 wouldn't have been possible without any of you :)

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart

Destined for Greatness.

2007-05-29T21:51:00.000+08:00

This was it. Well not exactly, but close. Add noisy, almost euphoric surroundings & a solo violinist playing his heart out & we're just about right. Now I wish I knew what it meant. I threw the worst tantrum ever (only to myself, of course) just now & I suspect it has got more to it than just me wanting a @#%*&@ really badly. Or maybe there was nothing more to it, & I was just being immature & bratty. What's new? Down to The Happiest Place On Earth tomorrow. Happy birthday, Strange Stranger.

Too much candy's gonna rot your soul.

2007-05-29T09:46:00.000+08:00

Happy belated 16th Bee, I love you.

Love's gonna get you down.

2007-05-27T23:34:00.000+08:00

Too much candy's gonna rot your soul.

Pirates & Sushi with my Billy/Ichiban Girlfriends :)

What Jared & I were doing on Saturday afternoon.

Saturday night with my SexyHotThings :)

Higher Chinese mock paper & music practical exam tomorrow. Follwed by the thingamajig at ACS(I) & then shopping with the antelope! I am still unwilling to go to bed even though my eyelids feel like they're gonnna droop so low & fall to the 1st story & perhaps further oh no I'm rambling again must be the lack of cafeine & sleep in my system today. I am going to be in the church's 25th anniversary production :) great happiness! HAHAHA OKAY ENOUGH NOW ITS TO THE SLEEPING QUARTERS FOR YOU MISS-I-AM-SO-ANNOYED-BECAUSE-YOU-LEFT-ME-ALONE. On purpose.

Four more days to IAG1!

Do I like what you like?

2007-05-24T23:28:00.000+08:00

I could be anything you like.

My life, in a picture.

Last training session ever. I'm still waiting to feel the heart-wrenching feeling that I thought I'd feel. Maybe I don't feel it yet because we still hang out so much. Allybaba & the 5 Thieves were the bomb on Wednesday. I'm watching Miami Ink & I'm more sure than ever that I want a tattoo. Late nights at Macs with eMoGaLxz/p0pPwiNcEsZxz & our shrek ears have proved to be quite useful as I did not drown in my integration during the paper today. If I'm lucky I'll get half the marks. If I'm lucky. SUSHI TOMORROW YAY.

The way you look tonight.

2007-05-20T17:50:00.000+08:00

The most expensive girl in the world.

I wish for:

#1. All my family & friends to be happy.
#2. A giant bubble to live in.
#3. Sufficient food for every single person in the world.
#4. 24 more hours in a day.
#5. Borders to be open 24/7.
#6. The ability to read minds (or not)
#7. Everyone to feel really loved.
#8. World peace (no, really)
#9. A stronger will.

Caaaaaaaaan? Am I being unreasonable here? I need some shut-eye before I bite someone's head off. Good day, world.

PS; I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment.
I'd like my own always-there-for-you-no-matter-what too, please & thank you.

Sharing you with memories.

2007-05-18T00:39:00.000+08:00

That's when I love you.

KhooJieHui's 16th :) more pictures when I receive the rest! These are ripped off the mommy's blog. Stayover at the Khoo Residence (or more popularly known as Casuarina House). Ice-cream cakes & camwhoring & singing & dancing the night away. Good way to spend a Saturday night! Ally thinks. I am coaching IAG1 & I am very happy. Spidey3 with YellowTeam on Tuesday ;)

I swear by the moon & the stars in the sky.

2007-05-13T22:49:00.000+08:00

Little girl.

Kyrie Chie loves me! (& vice versa)

AllyChrisAbby&Jess :)

Girlfriend! (why so kEwTzxz)

Jubilate was great! I couldn't be prouder of all of them :) especially my flingaling! Absolutely beautiful :) not to mention the awesome company -> Mel, Yanbing, Chris, Abby & Jess. I think the everyone was there. Like seriously everyone. And everyone was so pretty. Waited FOREVER for the bus to come & I gave the bus driver a rose. Jerald picked me up from NP & we went to do the video. Subway cookies are da bomb.

Something stupid.

2007-05-09T21:52:00.000+08:00

Saturday night.

Jerald (I don't know why there are a ton of these).

Jiehui & Tilda.

Tilda & Chris.

Jieying!

Because I love them.

My girlies :)

KhooJiehui!

My sunflower yo.

FISH&CO! (we were very hungry)

Barbarians.

Jerald & Wilson.

My music exam is over! Finally. I mean there's still the practical segment & I did choose performing major but at least the worst is over & done with :) I absolutely detest studying history of music & Haydn is such a bitch. I can't wait to never-touch-them-again. Combined cheer at TPJC today. Post only when there are pictures tomorrow. I want cafeine in my system & since I am denied it, I will go to bed. Alot healthier isn't it! 11:03pm. It'll be the earliest I've slept since February. I can hardly wait. Macduff is not prepared. Macfuck.

Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin.

2007-05-06T17:38:00.000+08:00

Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin

I marvel at how the younger ones (& by that I mean 14>) can say 'forever' like they truly, truly believe in it. So are we old & jaded & cynical or are they young & naive? Don't bother correcting me if you aren't part of the 'we'. It wouldn't matter to me at all, you see. I like James Morrison.

About time for a bottle of coke, isn't it Ally?

Familiarer, oh no, I hope you're not heartbroken because I left you hanging! But you're so sweet :) for a strange stranger, I mean. Have you taken the test Mr? But it doesn't matter cos you'll pass with flying colors anyways. I look forward to stuffing your envelope will hate mail & lozenges so you won't get a sore throat :) & my heart doesn't hurt as much anymore cos you asked me if I was okay :) now leave before we become to FRIENDly.

I will be still & know you are God.

2007-05-06T01:32:00.000+08:00

PHOTO ENTRY!
(From Jieying's 20th & Sports Day with TheSexiestPeopleEver <3)

Reeaaawwwrrrr.

Xinghua, Chris, Ally, Jiehui, Tilda & Jerald :)

I TOTALLY LOVE THEM.

Our kEwLzxz buddies.

TEAM YELLOW.

Gotta love Yellowwwwwwww :)

aHbEnGsZ sIaZxz!

Jieying the BeautifulBirthdayGirl :)

<3

They make me smile like this :D :D :D :D

Loooooooooove <3

Down Xinghua's block at midnight.

Happy 20th Xinghua!

The 'JayChou' Car ;)

Dollfriends.

Cheerleader's cheerleaders :D

KhooJieYing! Resource manager/mommy :)

I HAVE SO MANY MORE PICTURES YAY. Out with Tilda, Chris, Jiehui, Jieying, Jerald, Xinghua & Wilson again today <3

I have loved you all along.

2007-05-06T00:34:00.000+08:00

PICTURE ENTRY!
(1st May 2007 - Labour Day, Sentosa with TheHottestPeopleEver <3)

Various degrees of burns - starting with the most.

Dinner!

We were really quite worried.

Wilson is very much still alive.

I scream for ice-cream!

Sexy & Sexier (says you says me says she says we)

Xinghua & Jerald - don't ask.

XinghuaWilsonJeraldChrisJiehuiTildaAlly (missing Jieying!)

Love.

A Jerald Split?

Or a Wilson?

The bridge.

Check out the nut in the background!

Ally, Jiehui, Tilda & Chris :)

Aren't we the kEwTeStzxzz! ;)

Gay fun in the sun!

Hot Mommy/Resource Manager :)

Super fun! Like, TOTAAAAAAAAALLY :)

It is you I have loved all along.

2007-05-01T21:47:00.000+08:00

You're the home my heart searched for so long.

(Names of subjects in photographs not revealed due to the
nature of certain specific photographs. Yknw how these crazy fans get.)

The alarm clock rang an hour late today. Walked with Chris to Casuarina for breakfast with Tilda, Jiehui, Jieying, Jerald, Xinghua & Wilson. Drove to SunnySentosa in two cars. I like riding with the windows wound down! Why do people choose the air-con when there's the option of winding the windows down? Fresh air + Jay Chou + Good friends = Great car rides :)

The entry passes are really nice now! Played volleyball, dodgeball, funny 'slurp' & 'whowhathuh' games, camwhored & tried to tan. I had to interrupt a game of godknowswhat & snatch their volleyball as a dare. It was embarrassing. But Jerald had to sit opposite a complete stranger & build a sandcastle with him. I guess I chouldn't complain! ;) We ended up quite burnt. Took the tram, walked around, camwhored some more, had slurpees (the underaged ones, anyway) & made fun of OurKind. Drove to Great World City for Ben & Jerry's & dinner. Dinner at some nearby hawker centre was da bomb. Totally unhealthy but absolutely delicious. Unfortunately, there's school tomorrow. Jerald sent us home, rather unwillingly (us, not him). I want to play some more!

Jay Chou's songs are emo.
(Thank you for the CD anyways Sexier).

Yellow reigns!

2007-04-28T12:40:00.000+08:00

Yeah yeah yeah Yellowwwwww!

Happy post! Chris, Tilda & I spent the night of 26th April at TheCasuarinaHouse. Also known as the house of the Khoo sisters. We finally went to bed at 3 plus but that's all boring, unimportant crap :)

Yellow got 1st for Cheer Routine!
Yellow got 3rd Overall! :)

It was really nerve-wrecking, plus the fact that it was raining & the track was totally wet didn't help. Jieying, Jerald & Xinghua came down to help us with our makeup/hair/cheer/video & were absolutely supportive & adorable :) they were wearing the yellow raincoats. Chris & I had to run after the routine & before combined cheer. Mad rush. Like totaaaaaaaally. We got 3rd for house cheer & FIRRRRRST for our cheer routine! Red got 2nd for their cheer routine & overall champs :) orange alliance indeed. Best sports day ever! Went to Casuarina for prata with the team, Jieying, Jerald & Xinghua. The videos were really clear & good :) '___ ___ girls are ugly'. I wanted to half-laugh/half-shrief but that would've been highly inappropriate. Happyyyyyyyyyy!

Went to Jiehui's house to lepak (spelling?). The rest went home & Jiehui, Tilda, Chris, Jieying, Jerald & I went to Xinghua's house to surprise him. It was a really weird scene. At least for me. Driving around at midnight with the windows wound down singing & bopping along to Jay Chou songs. I am going to learn how to sing them so the next time it won't just be a jumble of syllables. Sang him a birthdya song & just hung around the block. Dancing & camwhoring & eating cake & getting high. Everyone seems to like Pantech. Well I like it too :) I looooooooove my Inbos!

Yellow Cheer 2007, I'm so proud of us! We did it :) after all the practices, late nights, paopaochas, painting & pasting, we did it! Under chris' fantastic leadership :) we made history. Despite the rain & the wet floor & our cheap shoes & the missing costumes & everything else, we pulled it off! I'll miss all of you very, very, very much. LOTS OF LOVE <3

JIEYING, Jerald & Xinghua, thank you for supporting us before & during & after this whole event :) for fetching us around, having supper with us, playing with us, doing our hair, screaming your lungs out & for just being yourselves :) more Jay Chou & prata & car rides, please & thank you! blow you a giant kiss. Looooooooooooove!

Forever friend, thank you for bearing with me for this past few weeks! For being there throughout my horrendous moodswings, lonely recesses, sleepiness during lessons & the lack of shitties. More time now! Even if it includes books. I love you lots.

Bento, thank you dear. Date soon! Whatever you want to do :)

Jacq, hello you hawtie you! I do love bumping into you in the corridors & thank you for your ever-so-radiant smiles yesterday. It made me feel more confident :) love you.

Cheryl, babe, I know we don't talk all that much now. But I'm still here for you okay? Don't let poly get to you! Virtual hug all the way from the North :)

Cheesy, I am so sad >:( I am going to slit my wrists & drown my eyes in black liquid eyeliner & mascara. I'm sorry dear. We need to fix another date to go out. I really do miss the both of you. Chiax said she'll eat her hair. I want to be there to watch. I know you would too. Love you to DEATH.

Theresa, well of course I lub you. Can you imagine me saying this? But please, I'm doing my best to stop talking in that pseudo indian accent. It's gonna get me beaten up. Now we don't want that, do we? :)

Familiarer, oh ho! Its great to see that you're back at my blog :) I notice you start your entries with a photo sometimes too. Note: sometimes. That's why you're almost as cool, but I'm cool with that. If we were in the same camp, you can be sure you'll receive approximately two notes a day. Or four, on a good day. Hate/love, hate/love. Familiarize yourself with the process! Lest you find it hard to adapt to the swift changes of our 'FRIENDSHIP' when camp comes around. After all, you're the Familiarer, aren't you? Atta boy! & you do make me smile. Did that make you smile? I certainly hope so. Till 12am then, enjoy this lovely hate message :)

This doesn't hurt, she said.

2007-04-22T22:11:00.000+08:00

Face down in the dirt

This is Miss Matilda 'I-am-so-American-so-everyone-ostracizes-me' Justine Tan Jia Hui. The lovely girl I sit with. She reccently joined our Indian Tribe & so begins the beginning of the end of all past differences she might've had with us (Jiehui, Jamie, Chris & myself). Everyone else just looks on & laughs. Not that we mind very much, quite evidently.

In chronological order:

- Cheer Vetting on Friday :/
- Lovely Total Defence Day biscuits (ha!)

- Production & TOG meeting as usual
- Ran into Jaytee & Aaron when I was LOST
- Met the girls & went to Jamie's
- Matilda the American hogged the bathroom
- To Thomson Plaza for a brief shopping trip
- Cabbed to Jiehui's for the BBQ
- Spent time sneaking around & being hungry
- Campfire songs around the BBQ pit
- Dancing (at -4x speed) with fellow Indians & 2 friends
- Camwhoring & silly games at the table
- Indian tribe: Ally+Jiehui+Jamie+Chris+Tilda &Gerald(?)+Xinhua(?) <3

- 945 with Gary, MattGoh & Bertram
- Customed-designed shoes by G.Monteiro
- To Event Gurus for TheMostDifficultTestEver
- Mr Bay, Kyrie, Kristy, Theresa, Abby, Javier, Chuan Lay <3
- Pizza & Miss Singapore/ANTM (I actually watch TV)
- Jokes & pirate/elfin chatter with Mr Monteiro ;)

Hellooooooooooo Gaaaaaaarrrrryyyy you make me smile like :D

Lah/Stranger, hello you strange stranger you. So you like long replies? Then long replies you shall get. Just because I think you're almost as cool as I am, familiarer. That's great! I can only do the first 2 camps this season too. Hopefully you'll be in either one :) I want to drop you lovely hate messages (oxymoron!) & laugh at you every morning & midnight. Cos you're a strange stranger, dear.

OysterChick, darling yknw "that's when i love you" totally makes me think of you! Bimbooooooo. Blow you a really huge virtual kiss. You can't miss it <3

Twinny, hello dear, I miss you too! Shop for conficlothes soon? I was thinking this weekend. Let me know! Good luck for finals :)

Enid, there are tons of photos! We shall sit down & I will send them all to you after sports day. Drill drill drill! Fellow Yellow <3

Kelvin is sweeter than EqualSugar:

'haha and i think im very biased to ally, cos i'm always very delighted to recieve her msg! she's my favourite i guess! and cos i still remember the time i forced her to speak mandarin and it's super cute and funny!'

I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR JUNE. GO YELLOW!

I love you no matter what.

2007-04-19T22:45:00.000+08:00

We all die young.

And when you're mad cause you lost a game
Forget im waiting in the rain
Baby I love you, I love you anyway

Its times like these that I really hate myself.

Yuyuan, hello boy, yes I hope I'll see you around too. I think I'm coaching in june! Unless I fail the test. Which I don't intend/want to. Keep safe boy.

Lah/Stranger, quit grumbling already :) your comment/tag made my day! Even though you're a straaaaaaanger. A very strange stranger indeed. Will I be seeing you this June? I remember how we stopped being friends till midnight :) & start not being friends all over again. You amuse me my dear.

The One, well technically I'm not 16 yet. Sloth hug.

Cheryl, yes I want a date with you soon please darling.

SPORTS DAY IN A WEEK GO YELLOW GO YELLOW GO GO GO YELLOW.
Wind. It. Up.

Do I like what you like?

2007-04-15T23:15:00.000+08:00

"What counts is not the size of the dog in the fight -
it's the size of the fight in the dog."

So what if I'm a little bitch. Righhhhhhhht Ally. I don't even remember what the past week has been. Cheer practice, church, school, cheer practice, church, school, dance, AKLTG, parents/godparents meeting, wasting time. My dad & godpa were both late for meeting, so funny. Ichiban with the lovely DeskBuddies Percy & Sally was just awesome. Not forgetting Ichiban with FF, Jana & Joy. There's not a single day I do not crave for sushi. Just ask the antelope. Susshhhhhhiiiiiiiiiii.

I'm just grateful for everyone in my life & I really have to get down to mugging. I've done up my monthly planner till May & if I don't stick to it I might as well go ahead & die already because then I wouldn't even have a fighting chance. I bet someone, somewhere, just died. Why doesn't anyone understand when I say that? Isn't it just annoyingly obvious & glaring at us? I'm watching Miami Ink now & its actually really sad. About how the worst thing we can experience is regret. Don't let the bastards get you down. How. Apt.

Michael The Archangel

Born: Not Applicable
Died: Hasn't

SO FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNY! & apparently, Mikhail is Greek/Hebrew/Arabic/German all at once. Doesn't change a thing though. MONDAY BLUES WILL BE A THING OF THE PAST. I will look forward to school tomorrow. Yes I will. Yes I will.

Yuyuan, hello boy, I miss you. And it was great seeing you :)

Cheesy, yes our date. Just the three of us! Even if its just for a couple of hours. I can hardly wait. You guys are my favourite <3

You went out to die.

2007-04-08T23:29:00.001+08:00

Happy Easter!

We love our poms.

Yellow girlies!

Gerri is my angel.

Teddy bear.

162.

I love Jillian Pakiam.

Twinnnnnny!

Lovely friends :)

Whatever, man.

- Rushing down to set up stage (Maundy Thursday)
- Rushy flushy dinner with TOG
- 'This Is My Body, This Is My Blood'
- Adoration & supper
- ThisHurryNow & random filling-cups-with-straws games

- To St. Anthony's (Good Friday) for stations & service with Jill, Terence, Regi & Louis :) followed by drinks at a random prata shop.
- Cheer practice at Jiehui's with the Yellows
- Drilling Charlotte's pom set!

- Cheer practise at Jiehui's (Saturday)
- Easter Vigil mass with Regi, Terence, Jill, Gerri & Melvyn
- It was beaaaaaaaaaautiful :)
- Guessing names of the people getting baptised/confirmed
- Terence & I are tied at a point each
- It was a happy affair!
- Spent ONE HOUR at the bus stop waiting for 162
- & arguing with the servers about where to eat supper
- A lonely Easter meal at Prata House with Regi, Jill & Terence
- HAPPY EASTER!

I am contented :) Thank you God.

Don't write me off just yet.

2007-04-04T23:15:00.000+08:00

Indifference.

Today (& last night) I wonder why we act like we don't care about the people we obviously care about the most. Why we have to act indifferent. Like we don't give a damn when we actually care like our entire being depends on it. Like our whole life is dependant upon whether you reply to a silly message, call just to say hello or look for just a second longer. A second. A second second would be nice. Or a second anything. Anything would be better than this. Awkward dance. All thanks to this new found hostility. I'd ask you why, too, if I wasn't so afraid of finding out. You scare me.

Spent my tuesday afternoon with belly my jelly. It was relaxing & a much-needed break. I am so thankful she's in my life. Mass with regi, gerri & belly. Tomorrow's the day, I can hardly believe its here. Its nothing big, but it does mean a lot. It should mean a lot. Cheer practice with chris, jamie & little nat went just fine. I love the reddies, especially my fling-a-ling (captain yo). I wish my teeth/arm would stop hurting. This post is so disjointed. But it doesn't even matter.

Just like I don't matter to you.

Come doused in mud, soaked in bleach
As I want you to be
As a trend, as a friend, as an old memory.

My friend, Yuyuan, is a perfect gentlemen & he is very nice & compromising. He is a wonderful coach & an even better friend & I fondly refer to him as 'boy'. Do take the time to get to know him (he's linked!). It will be a wise investment.

THERE! Finally.

Now that you're near

2007-04-01T19:38:00.000+08:00

I can't stop falling in love with you.

My eyes glow. I just realized I spen 6 out of the 7 days in a week last week with people from church, if not in church itself. The only memory I have of the literature seminar in school yesterday was the hilarious representation of Lindo Jong & the three witches from Macbeth :) something wicked this way comes. Dropped by Kaiting's party & headed to the Esplanade Outdoor Theatre for Louis' gig. It was pretty good :) & we heard this lady with the most awesome voice ever. I remember feeling contented.

I wish the current CC3s knew how much they'd miss. I wish we still had CC4 class. Being with Mel makes me think more than I usually do (which is already a lot). I wonder why we're most critical of ourselves & the people we love. I wonder why I always (somehow) end up disliking the people I love most. I have issues. Why the expression 'wear your heart on your sleeve'? When is dying not 'in vain'? Why can't daddy be my official one? But something to be happy about, I've got a godfather too :) I jumped & screamed & shouted & prompty knocked someone's trolley over when I heard about it. I was in FairPrice. I don't think they like me very much. I remember feeling blessed.

Daddy, I'm so grateful I have you. I don't think age matters, but its comforting & the best feeling ever having you around. I remember being high on Jesus. It seems like such a long time ago. I know I'll be seeing a lot more of you (again) :) I love you.

#5, Can you tell me why? I suppose I'll have to ignore you back. You made it this way. Rewwwwwwwwinddddddddddddd. Please? I wish.

(for good measure)

Its the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you.

2007-03-27T17:53:00.000+08:00

The stars aren't out tonight.

Borderline Personality Disorder

P - Paranoid ideas
R - Relationship instability
A - Angry outbursts, affective instability, abandonment fears
I - Impulsive behaviour, identity disturbance
S - Suicidal behaviour
E - Emptiness

Histrionic Personality Disorder

P - provocative (or seductive) behavior
R - relationships, considered more intimate than they are
A - attention, must be at center of
I - influenced easily
S - speech (style) - wants to impress, lacks detail
E - emotional liability, shallowness
M - make-up - physical appearance used to draw attention to self
E - exaggerated emotions - theatrical

Dependant Personality Disorder

D – Difficulty making everyday decisions
E – Excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others
P – Preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of self
E – Exaggerated fears of being unable to care for himself or herself
N – Needs others to assume responsibility for his or her life
D – Difficulty expressing disagreement with others
E – End of a close relationship is the beginning of another relationship
N – Noticeable difficulties in initiating projects or doing things on his or her own
T – “Take care of me” is his or her motto

Schizotypal Personality Disorder

M - magical thinking, influences behavior, superstitiousness/paranormal
E - eccentric behavior or appearance
P - paranoid ideation
E - experiences unusual perceptions
C - constricted affect
U - unusual thinking & speech
L - lacks friends
I - ideas of reference
A - anxiety (socially)
R - rule out psychotic disorders & pervasive developmental disorder

I'm completely fascinated with personality disorders. Its almost as if I'm dissecting every detail to find the one that matches me the most. Isn't that a disturbing thought? I would like to meet someone with a Schizotypal Personality Disorder. Or any of the above disorders at all (I picked the ones I liked best). Just for coffee. I would like to be 'in my element' for once. What is 'my element' anyways? And how many people have actually been in it? I bet its a nice feeling. Somehow, I can't wait to make my confession.

AleeesssaaaaahhhhMeeeekkkkhaaaaiiiillll really loves you.

I'll wait for it to come.

2007-03-26T14:34:00.000+08:00

The reason that I sing.

Proof that I am not as useless as some people might like to think. The word 'retarded' is highly infectious & I'm guilty of using it at least 394872398472 times a day, resulting in the people around me using it more often too. Retarded. That's not a very empowering word, is it? Change, change, change. How does ridiculous sound? I know. Ridiculous.

Mel, sam, nicole & I were in the process of making next Sunday (April Fool's) D-Day. But it turns out we just had our last CC4 class ever without even knowing it. I wish I hadn't dreaded class so often. I wish I didn't skip/turn up late for class so often. I kinda wish I paid more attention too. I wasn't really prepared to give goodbye hugs to everyone. OKAY granted I'd still see them in church & all I think I'm being a little melodramatic here. But forgive me & leave me to my mourning period. Like c'mon we were just beginning to like catclass. Piano was fine. Thank you for your well wishes & prayers. Off to study for the biology test (still in the process of convincing self that it is beneficial & will be of use to me in the future). Have a good life.

eM0gAlx/p0PpwinCeS$*, are you dumb or are you dumb? I miss you tons too okay. And I really, really, really x 10000000 need to be with you two ASAP (see how cool I am). HAHA. Shit. Have to find out when the g0tHcHiCkx' SYF is, then we'll plan around it :) no more soccer. We'll just survive on text messages, hellos in hallways & bumsmacks okay? Yknw I love you.

Cheeky seductive monster, I've decided that you are 'seductive' & the other cheeky monster is. We'll figure something out. Please come back safe, I miss you tons already. Kick their tomyam asses. HAHA. Love you D'cruz.

#1, you are utterly cruel. Talk about false advertisement.

GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GULITY GULITY.
Of acting like I don't love you.

There's gonna be a great awakening

2007-03-19T15:02:00.000+08:00

I will always love you.

New ambassadors of Fitness First.

Hyacinth, Ally, Sam & Mel.

My Sunday Girls <3

A retarded picture (for good measure)!

I'm back from CC4 camp. I'll admit I was dreading it but I can safely say I totally didn't want to leave. It was amazing. And I realize I love every single one of my CC4 mates/facils/cathechists. It was an extra-special camp, what with it being our last. Everyone is super nice & I'm upset with myself because I didn't realize it any earlier. Point form time! I can't even begin to express how I feel about it, this so doesn't do it justice. But its worth a shot:

- The group: Mel, sam, lydia, celestine, bertram, joanne & anthony!
- ROOMIES: Twinny, mel, sam, jules, manda & lydia :)
- Seven girls on a bed
- Transylvanian accents (Mehleessa, Aleeessa, Sahmahntaah)
- Singing christmas carols on the bus
- Late-night talks with mel & sam
- Agonizing over cookie, chemistry & ripples
- My cheeky monteiro is 16!
- Outpouring of the Holy Spirit
- Finding old friends/new friends
- Hugs can heal (or completely destroy)
- Teddy & teddy jr.
- EVERYONE singing & praising :)
- Drowning our food in chilli sauce
- Rating people who pass us by.
- Playing chopsticks with mel to keep awake.
- MY GODMA CELINA :) & my godsisters jules & mich
- Brotherhood & princesses in Bikini Bottom
- I love CC4 :) & TOG. & CTK.

#1. Please know that I will always love you, albeit a little unwillingly, sometimes. Who am I kidding? I am entirely willing. Please try to love me too.

I forgive you, I love you
You are mine, take my hand
Go in peace, sin no more beloved one.

It made me cry.

Say you wanna love me.

2007-03-15T07:34:00.000+08:00

Between now & then.

Just sent my grandma to the hospital. The feeling really sucks. Good people shouldn't have to go through so much pain. Its such a sucky feeling I feel so helpless all I can do is pray. And hope for the best. I can't believe I can't even see her this morning. Reeaaawwwwwwwwwrrrrrrr. I. Feel. Like. Pulling. My. Hair. Out. And. Jumping. Off. A. Cliff. And if things don't turn out right, its almost certain I will. She's my entire fucking life, for fuck's sake.

Please be okay.

We've ended as lovers

2007-03-12T23:28:00.000+08:00

Is that alright with you?

The Last Supper play on Maundy Thursday. Yesterday we had youth canteen (retrospective!) & it was fun. I mean, considering it involved work in a canteen. Then it was dance for the rest of the day & cheer the entire day today. Such arrrrrrrtrsy days. Dance, cheer & TOG rehearsals. I need to hit the books soon/shop. Goodbye sleep. A series of unfortunate events!

PS; You still give me that funny feeeeeeeeeling. That. Is. Incorrigible.

Waiting for the world to change

2007-03-10T23:14:00.000+08:00

n I can't keep my eyes off you

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind
Till I find somebody else

Everything she does is beautiful

2007-03-03T22:59:00.000+08:00

So the world doesn't revolve around me.

I have this recurring dream of me being involved in a tragic (or not) car accident at the crossing outside the school. Which also happens to be in front of my house. It'll be raining really heavily, and it'll be quiet. Low-impact but impactful, nonetheless. The rain water will dilute the blood & at 9am they'll be ringing my house to find out why I'm late for school. Or not. I should really get back to biology. Who gives a damn about medulla oblongata & other random parts of our human anatomy?

Irreplacable

2007-03-03T22:13:00.000+08:00

Of flashing green men & bimbo talkshows

My cousin is a cutie.

Mr bay is mine, thank you!

Retard.

AK budddddddddies! <3

Retaaaaaarrrrrrrrrd.

I haven't updated for a gazillion years! Let me do my best to summarize, considering yknw, no one really wants to hear a lengthy description of my (not so) mundane life. Right Ally, right. To infinity & beyond!

- to Malaysia for an eventful CNY
- consisting of events like: broken doors & kitties in wheels
- coaches training!
- hot, sexy girlfriend 'cheryl' matthias ;)
- my babes jiayu, cheryl & angel!
- please pray for my grandma.
- random conversations with the teddy bear
- cheer practices daily during recess
- FF & i want to abolish nazism
- random words: staredecisis, modus operandi & protege
- AKLTG is the most wonderful thing on earth <3
- the huband is a lousyyyyyymousyyyyyy :P
- jiayu, matthias, thomas, kenneth, sean are love.

No need for daily reflections this week. Great! Class tomorrow. Not so great. On to study about homostasis, coordination & response. But c'mon, really, who gives a shit?

If I wrote you a symphony

2007-02-17T00:20:00.000+08:00

Would you date me on the regular?

From 2006. We love you too Ragy. So Valentine's Day has come & gone, I hope yours was good. Thank you everyone for all the gifts & I'm sorry all you got from me was a lousy post-it pad (with the exception of my teammates). Chinese New Year mass was spent sleeping on the spectator stand/cam-whoring & being vain with Maya. We are so gay, I swear. The china scholars item was rather amusing. I spent 40 minutes flagging a cab today. Thank you FF, BentoR & Boo for coming to my rescue. Didn't manage to meet Bizzy after rehearsals :( when I'm back, I guess! I'm leaving tomorrow.

#1. Hello there, I understand you must be really upset. But we're all really worried about you, me in particular. You can't avoid me forever, I mean you could, but I'd be really sad. C'mon I know you're made of tougher stuff. Dry your eyes & get right back out there okay? Hope to hear from you soon. The suspense is killing me. Still loved a lot.

#2. Honestly? I don't know why I like talking to you anyways. Its so one-sided. Maybe I don't. Maybe I just think I do. What a lousy thought.

#3. Insensitive. I hate you.

I CAN IF I WANT TO. & BELIEVE ME, I DO.

You were the last good thing about this part of town

2007-02-13T22:46:00.000+08:00

Where is your boy tonight?

To make our lives less complex:
(& also why i am :D)

1) Hilarious boat-rowing during rehearsals
2) Good piano lesson on Saturday
3) Bizzy/NickLee/Aaron/Drummer#1/Bassist#1 were great :D
4) Mass with (most of) the brotherhood+princess
5) DressDay with Mel/Sam/Hyaz :]
6) Loitering around our 'KoolPlace'.
7) Life without Jesus is like a donut
8) Rubber ducky sends a letter
9) MacBeth isn't pissing me off as much.
10) 'Studying' with Captain Nicholas.
I'm fucking screwed. I have chinese homework & tingxie to learn. I have decided to stay up & complete it tonight. If I don't, well, then. I don't know. I like all the wrong people. Valentine's tomorrow.

You enjoy coffee and Debussy
I can't believe the calmness in your bones

Why you look so sad?

2007-02-09T23:29:00.000+08:00

Goodbye, Today (forever).

Today was, without a doubt, the lousiest day of 2007 (so far). I'm glad its over. But I'm also glad it happened, for certain not-so-obvious reasons. I'm glad & really thankful that I have people around me who believe in me, are there for me, love me unconditionally, hold me, hug me & cry with me. I'm glad I am able to say that I'll love these people to my fucking deathbed. And I hope they know it. I say I hate netball all the time but I know deep down, I really don't. & fuck that A2, I think I've got other more important things to worry about. I can't wait for the year to end yet I'm afraid. I remember I was in a panic & couldn't remember the serenity prayer. I'm glad we had that soccer game, it totally lifted my spirits. I'm glad I'm part of SNNB/Ggems. Thank God.

I'm sorry I:

1) Screwed up my Chinese paper
2) Cried for stupid reasons
3) Can't do anything about your loss.
4) Can't be any more comforting.
5) Didn't hug you today
6) Am such a disappointment
7) Was moody during rehearsals
8) Lied
9) Feel jealous when you don't care.
10) Let you make use of me

Jiaxing, Regi, Mel, Debbie, Kaiting, Rara, Jasmine, Yanbing, Jolene, Peiling & Jenna, I don't know what is up with me these few days but I just feel the need to tell you that I love you a lot. Thank you for being here with me every step of the way. We're gonna be jumping/crying/screaming for joy on Our Day okay? For. Ever <3

Eyes are red and tears are shed
This world you must have crossed, you said
You don’t know me, and you don't even care
You said you don't know me, and you don't wear my chains

Baby, bezzie wezzie, I love you. Please don't cry >:(

Fly me to the moon

2007-02-08T21:48:00.000+08:00

In other words, I love you.

1) music test on haydn is over
2) only one more day to the weekend
3) i realize i've been worrying for nothing :]
4) radio entertainment nightly
5) miloboy is still alive after all ;D
6) yellow comm 07 is looking great!

aside from the fact that the chinese results are coming out tomorrow (like oh shit), i feel pretty okay! okay bye world, please slip in a prayer for me tonight.

So kiss me & say you understand

2007-02-07T20:46:00.000+08:00

If ever you have got rain in your heart

Faithful dogs = Us

as much as i'd like to be really encouraging & say that we still have next year & the year after the next & the next & the next, the fact is that it is goodbye. since i was in primary 3. i can't say the passion lasted till now. but all my best friends played netball. my teammates are my best friends. and i am still as fucking proud of them as ever. from being coachless to mary (whom we came to love). i hated training but i will miss it very much. it didn't hit me till now. 8 fucking years. all worth it because of them.

SNNB, #1 in my heart forever & ever & ever. i love you guys this fucking much & we can say goodbye to netball but not to each other. okay?

Where do we go from here?

2007-02-06T21:13:00.000+08:00

'The fear of becoming a 'has-been' keeps
some people from becoming anything.' - Eric Hoffer

The present I never got to give to my radio.

till this saturday, at least! its so annoying how i keep alternating between capital letters & non-capital letters in different posts. OCD. oh & today mr-i-only-talk-to-you-when-i-feel-like-it texted me (oh JOY - please note the sarcasm) & promptly stopped because i think he was too ill/tired to text anymore. i should totally stop harping on such irrelevant matters. from today to next monday, my entire world shall be permutations & combinations, as well as haydn. whom i wish died much earlier. then we would have less works to study, and less of his fucking boring life to look into. we've got our Yellow House Committee 2007 confirmed today. yellow's gonna be awesome this year :] but its weird, since primary 5 all the way till secondary 3, yunjie & i have been together in the committee. i feel insecure now that she's not. OH GET OVER YOURSELF ALRRRRREADY ALLY. right. back to P&C!

SNNB, hello my pretty ladies, #1 in my hearts forever & ever!

Moomoo, hello sweetheart, please take care & get well soon! cheer up okay, real hugs when i next see you :] meal/meetup! love <3

The world, PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. i swear i will totally lose it if i do not get my A1. sure that sounds so loser-ish & geeky & nerdy & whatever but i feel as if my whole 16 years of existance depends on the paper this friday. A1 x 10000000000000! I NEED THAT A1! okay. please pray :D

Did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

2007-02-05T23:05:00.000+08:00

I wish to feel smaller under your sheetes

Mike's coming to Singapore next week! :] Sam commented on how happy I looked during dance today & I honestly don't know why. But I felt genuinely happy for that hour or so :] although I happened to be texting Mr-I-don't-really-care-about-you at that time. SO not worth my time okay. I should totally stop wasting my life on stuff/people that don't care/matter. Someday, soon, I will get over you :] hurry now, bitch. The O's are nearing, you don't want some indifferent asshole in your way. I will not think about you. I will not think about you. I will not think about you. I will not think about you.

Our twisted (albeit cute) analogy:

Bugs Bunny = Jaytee/Gary?
Lola Bunny = Ally
Tasmanian Devil/Taz = Iggy
Daffy Duck = Jaytee/Gary?
Tweety Bird = Nicole
Sylvester = Nick lee

LOONEY TUNES BUDDIES! How cute :] they make Sundays bearable.
Oh, & if Ally = Anaconda, then Damien = Doggy.
Sushi with FF on Wednesday. Wicked.

NAAAAAAAAATALLI, babe! We SO need to go out soon! I miss you so much, its been 39487398729 days since we last met okay. Oh darling Bimbo, plan soon! Ring/text okay. I love you! Oh, web link again please <3

I'm about to break

2007-02-02T17:15:00.000+08:00

The one thing that I need to walk away from

Hello, the reasons I'm not completely blowng off school & training.
After many yellow post-it notes (Ultimate Guide to 'Not getting lost' for Dummies), the birthday girls met us at Ichiban Sushi. I am SO good at creating clues. Right. I need more sashimi in my system. Aside from the gastric pains, I daresay this is the calmest I've felt all week. No more random lying on chairs, whining about music class, using cheesy (albeit hilarious & TOTALLY effective) pick-up lines on anybody & everybody. Everyone's been awfully patronizing & cooperative though. No one's tried to beat me up yet. And by no one, I mean no boyfriends/girlfriends. Affairs are meant to be kept secret & low-key baby.

Happy 16th, Bento & Debbie <3

CIP tomorrow with PeilingTeoh, JiaxingWu & TanMelissa.

If I saw you in heaven

2007-01-23T17:02:00.000+08:00

I hope to God he was worth it

"Having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labour is immense." - Arnold Bennett

#1. I know it can be done because I've done it before. I just need to focus. C'mon girrrrrrl, please keep your outcome in mind. I so caaaaaaaan.

#2. I WILL PROVE YOU WRONG.

#3. Now before anything can actually happen, I need to get off my laptop & go mug my sorry ass off. I believe I will come to love it.

(brief recap)

- Happy 17th baby. I'll see you soon <3
- Happy 16tth f-friend/boyfriend/wife, you're the sex.
- Out with SexyHotThings on saturday night
- Happy 16th nicole, you pretty lady.
- Mass with cheeky monteiro & twinny.
- I guess this means I'm gonna be okay.

You don't know how lovely you are

2007-01-16T17:45:00.000+08:00

You don't know how lovely you are

Its days like these I hate myself.

#1. i was hoping so much you wouldn't turn out the way i'd expected. its one of the few times i actually wish i was wrong. disappointment & disgust make quite a fine pair, i think. i'll live.

#2. i wish you could read my mind.

#3. please ignore me for a few days. i'm afraid i'll get bored. and its getting overwhelming. this entire year. its hard to ignore certain things. and you can't exactly take back something you've said. so i didn't.

Aww, fuck it.

The last supper

2007-01-14T23:07:00.000+08:00

Would you help me stand?

Of St John, apostle & evangelist

He was properly called to be a disciple of our Lord, with his brother James, as they were mending their nets on the same day, and soon after Jesus had called Peter and Andrew. These two brothers continued still to follow their profession, but upon seeing the miraculous draught of fishes, they left all things to attach themselves more closely to him. Christ gave them the surname of Boanerges, or sons of thunder to express the strength and activity of their faith in publishing the law of God without fearing the power of man. This epithet has been particularly applied to St. John, who was truly a voice of thunder in proclaiming aloud the most sublime mysteries of the divinity of Christ.

He is said to have been the youngest of all the apostles, probably about twenty-five years of age, when he was called by Christ; for he lived seventy years after the suffering of his divine Master. Piety, wisdom, and prudence equalled him in his youth to those who with their grey hairs had been long exercised in the practice and experience of virtue; and, by a pure and blameless life he was honourable in the world. Our divine Redeemer had a particular affection for him above the rest of the apostles; insomuch that when St. John speaks of himself, he saith that he was "The disciple whom Jesus loved"; and frequently he mentions himself by this only characteristic; which he did not out of pride to distinguish himself, but out of gratitude and tender love for his blessed Master.

If we inquire into the causes of this particular love of Christ towards him, which was not blind or unreasonable, the first was doubtless, as St. Austin observes, the love which this disciple bore him; secondly, his meekness and peaceable disposition by which he was extremely like Christ himself; thirdly, his virginal purity. For St. Austin tells us that,[5] "The singular privilege of his chastity rendered him worthy of the more particular love of Christ, because being chosen by him a virgin, he always remained such." St. Jerome sticks pot to call all his other privileges and graces the recompense of his chastity, especially that which our Lord did him by recommending in his last moments his virgin mother to the care of this virgin disciple.[6] St. Ambrose, St. Chrysostom, St. Epiphanius, and other fathers frequently make the same reflection. Christ was pleased to choose a virgin for his mother, a virgin for his precursor, and a virgin for his favourite disciple; and his church suffers only those who live perfectly chaste to serve him in his priesthood, where they daily touch and offer his virginal flesh on his holy altar.

In heaven virgins follow the spotless Lamb wherever he goes. Who then can doubt but purity is the darling virtue of Jesus? "who feeds among the lilies " of untarnished chastity. For "he who loves purity of heart will have the king his friend." Another motive of the preference which Jesus gave to this apostle in his intimacy and predilection, was his perfect innocence and simplicity without guile in his youth. Virtue in that age has peculiar charms to Christ, and is always a seed of extraordinary graces and blessings.

I'm thinking one disciple a day.

i miss rachelchiahuixuan that brud/eM0gAlZ/g0ThiCgUrLzx/pangsai alot. which also brings to mind my cheesy/eM0gAlZ/p0PpWinnCeSsZx. looooove. that i fell asleep with sirius (my black acoustic, lest you get the wrong idea!). went for mass with cheeky/wanky d'cruz & the three monteiro brothers. the three of them appeared to be praying & really paying attention but they were really sleeping. i swear. and cheeky was just being, well, cheeky. gary has shiny ears! :] how funny, & i've GOT to pass him his stuff by tuesday. dinner at muthu's curry. i can't take anything spicy. what a loser.

MY FF & MY OTHER HALF, I LOVE YOU. Like, the most.

She's never been happier

2007-01-06T13:25:00.000+08:00

Rock 'N' Roll Suicide

He'd been feeling bad for ages; that day he was feeling worse. Standing by the window of the backstage dressing room, Max buttoned the flies of his black leather trousers. Based upon the classic desgn of Levi's 501s, this item of clothing had become a vital component of the rock star's trademark. That, the white satin shirt he would soon don, plus the purple suede boots which were scuffed to fuck, ready to fall apart.

The heavy, black cascade of hair that framed his face like open curtains was a striking contrast to the spooky pale of his translucent skin. That skin, another one of the rock star's trademarks. He dressed slowly. He had always put his clothes on at a sedate pace, almost tenderly, because he was putting them upon himself. He liked everybody, even his own body, to be gentle with him. That had always been an important part of the preparation, the ritual. That calm steady pace. That step-by-step timing was not so important, however, as when his body had had some sort of future. Even so, time was time, even with little time.

- PP Hartnett (favourite ever)

I'm a girl on a mission.
Do or die.

Remember, remember

2007-01-02T01:07:00.000+08:00

To some of the most important people.

forever friend, its safe to say that i don't say much to you, & neither do you say a whole lot to me but i know you know me best. thank you for being you. for being my pillar of strength through all these years. you'll always be my #1.

baby/bezzie wezzie, its a miracle! you're a miracle. i'm really proud of you for everything you've achieved & everything i know you'll achieve. thank you for always being there with sound advice & a warm hug when i need it. we need to take a holiday soon! bring back the blue+red. for always <3

twin/princess, it's amazing how i can talk to you openly about anything at all. thank you for listening without judging & for always managing to make me feel better even on the lousiest of days. i'm really sorry for always cancelling out on you. you're awesome & you should know that! don't let anyone (esp HPHP) make you feel otherwise. here's to many more years of friendship with you & the brotherhood. i love you babe.

cheekier monster, thank you for always hearing me out, for reassuring me, for never ever letting me down, for cheering everyone up with your cheeky & (as much as i'd hate to admit it) witty lines. you are a joy to be around d'cruz. i'm really proud of you & the bboys/brotherhood. i love you.

cheeky monteiro, i miss june, where we would talk for hours about nothing at all. i miss you, at least we see each other every sunday. well, almost. thank you for always being such a good listener & sweetheart. i still love you.

hamster, thank you for always brightening up our dull & mundane lives with your sunshine-y personality. thank you also for always patronizing me & being such an awesome hamster & friend. i couldn't ask for a better pet! its a joy to watch you play soccer. here's to 2007, i love you.

bimbo, baaaabe, i'm really glad we got to hang out, coach & dance together again. its amazing how we can go for almost a year without seeing each other yet still have stuff to talk about. you make me happy honey, we've gotta go for lunch soon. i love you truckloads.

hot pretty 'ally', thank you for always being there with a hug or sound advice despite your busy schedule. the hitting games, telling stories & doing silly stuff wouldn't be the same with anyone else. i love you handsome.

kelvin, hello love. i'm really glad we got to coach together (in my 2 favourite camps ever!). thank you for never failing to make me smile & feel extremely loved. i still miss you calling me darling! lots of love.

javier, thank you for giving me so many chances to learn & to grow. for not insisting on running the whole show like other coaches might've. i feel truly blessed we got to coach our sexyhotthings together. i admire you javier. thank you for putting in so much heart. i love you!

perrrfect partner, you are my otherhalf. we've been through so much together & we have insane fun every single time. thank you for putting up with all my mood swings & tantrums, for always being so patient & loving. i've had a wonderful 2006 with you & here's to our perrrfect 2007. i love you.

The Dage, brud! i'm so so so so thankful you're in my life. i don't know if there's anything wrong with us but i never ever seem to get mad at you (i just can't) & you appear to always be at peace with me. you are the best drummer in the world & the best-est friend. i love you to death rachelchiahuixuan.

cheesy/emogal, pop princesszx! as you can see, you are one of the people i love most. i love our threeesome (with chiax!). thank you for always being so understanding to my (our) emo needs. for cheering me up with your infectious laughter. i love you cheesy weesy. and though you almost never say it, i know you love me too.

bento, my shopping/eating friend! 2006 with you has been amazing. so much for adidas jacket bargains, i'll have to get you something else, i guess. i love you for being the funny chilli padi that you are. here's to more studying (& shopping!) in 2007. i love you.

antelope, one of my favourite classmates! thank you for being such an awesome host, violist & friend. more studying/practising sessions alright! & also many unplanned/unwanted trips to 7eleven. thank you for being a wonderful listener. i love you.

Why don't you do right

2007-01-01T22:11:00.000+08:00

Don't save it all for Christmas day

To sum up year 2006:

- first time i'm classmates with FF
- latest addition to SNNB: piggy
- st nicks fiesta (3 faith sausages!)
- Grease for PMB investiture
- the Perfect Partnership
- jamming buddies: chiax, mijie & jacq
- formation of St Nickelodeon <3
- 2nd runner-up for 98.7 Hollaback Crew
- june IAG1 with celine
- june IAG2 with terence(ally), my sexy coach
- CC3 camp (macs escapade!)
- student leaders camp (superfour)
- TOG recitals 2006
- dec IAG2 with javier & SEXYHOTTTHINGS <3
- World AIDS Day, TOG presents Secrets Exposed
- dec IAG3, my alphacubes
- trip to club med! mike & yaseen <3
- AKLTG christmas bash
- midnight mass with princess & cheeky
- coaches movie night: night at the museum
- TOG performance at st peter & paul's
- 'party' at jill's!

My resolutions for 2007

- master french & italian
- score my 6 points for O levels
- for that status to remain unchanged (ahem)
- tihidiendosmnayneiha! :D
- continue coaching
- be more loving & less critical
- practise E + R = O :]
- practise 10 minutes of guitar everyday
- practise 1 hour of piano daily
- dance as often as i can

Thank you jiaxing, yiwei, the brotherhood & my PRINCESS, st nickelodeon, natalli, terence, javier, amin, kelvin, SNNB, sexyhotthings, AK coaches, TOG, cha, matt, nick, yaseen, mike & my jazz buddies for 2006! Here's to an even better 2007.

Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

2006-12-31T01:13:00.000+08:00

Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

evil guinea pigs! i don't like referring to them as pigs well mainly because i don't like pork but also because i think they look like rats. guinea rats. TOG came over this morning to defrost & roast 'jo'. well so much for defrosting. first time ice came flying from within the turkey while we were carving it. or trying to, anyways. i just got three charms/earrings from the red suspenders. and my mom too. must be the christmas air.

lunch at kevin & geri's place was eventful. our peaceful gathering was interrupted by monkey's uncle dances (in the corridor of the flat, complete with gawking onlookers!), indian poker, sour taboo & gorging on ice-cream cake. i swear i barely even tasted it. if TOG lost, it would've been utterly embarrassing. i really don't like taking the bus. meeting cheeky d'cruz for mass, then rehearsals all the way. party hopping later :D talking to terence & amin makes me happy. and feel like laughing a whole lot.

Boys like you are a dime a dozen says:
take care hot pretty ally! : D ill miss you.

tErEnCe says:
yer

tErEnCe says:
go roker

tErEnCe says:
rocker

tErEnCe says:
hot terence

Boys like you are a dime a dozen says:
hahaha.

Boys like you are a dime a dozen says:
OKAY. big fat flying kiss!

Boys like you are a dime a dozen says:
you better catch it.

tErEnCe says:
got it

WuJiaxing & LiMijie. I fucking miss you both.

Give anything but I won't give up

2006-12-29T15:05:00.000+08:00

What are you doing New Year's Eve?

Once upon a time. My shoes still looked new.

ally said:
Hello honey, I'll send you the photos soon :]
So glad we met at the bash! I love you.

8:34 PM

RanceK said:
yapz! smilez~! you look so cute with yr sun burnt face!! lol...
luv ya too ally... =))
*hugzz

2:56 AM

Kelvin makes me smile.

Summer time baby

2006-12-27T14:50:00.000+08:00

Don't blame it on the moonlight

Good times. Happy Christmas.

Don't blame it on the sunshine

2006-12-26T00:40:00.000+08:00

I just can't control my feet

'The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get. You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them. The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase. You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away. You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance. Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't! Your style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors. Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor. You're skilled at inspiring a chase.

The real test is picking the person to slow down for.'

Sexy rubber ducky sent me that. Is that even remotely true!
I wonder.

Next to you I'm even better

2006-12-24T18:39:00.000+08:00

Christmas Bash @ AKLTG

Hello gorgeous, I miss you too.

All I want for Christmas

2006-12-23T15:56:00.000+08:00

All I want for Christmas is you

let's see, all i remember from the past four days. swimming, tanning, you, beach volley ball, you, water polo, eating, you, throwing up, you, dancing, you, drinking, partying, you, photographs, you, kisses, you. well maybe just kiss.

Giant :] with the 51 ex-girlfriends

kadek, the yoga professional.

cat the bat (the sister).

i'll remember to call once i hit 21.

thierry!

yaseen, other half (ally family)!

mike, the cute bartender :]

benny licks faces.

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus

2006-12-17T10:39:00.000+08:00

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus

i never realized, till 2 days ago, that people actually have the huge misconception that in 'i saw mommy kissing santa claus', the santa claus is actually daddy in costume. is that so! i wonder why there is a such a large percentage (dare i say majority?) of people so disillusioned. the mommy is having an affair & she's making use of the festive season to invite her lover over in disguise as santa claus. i swear. so far only jaytee has agreed with me. its perfectly logical, if you ask me. i mean just think about it.

anyways, i just realized that i've been going to town everyday. went for lunch with the sexy rubber ducky :] we had subway wraps again. went to meet mom/gran/cat to shop. because i have no cash. met nicole at city hall around 5.45 & we went to the esplanade to watch nick's performance. we were rushing like crazy, i forgot why. he was really good :D & we were swooning & in love for like, 5 minutes. or rather, the duration of the song! went to haagen daz for chocolate fondue :] which was really expensive & filling. i don't think nicole & i could be a lesbian couple. it just looks really childish & wrong. i love the bimbo's piggy! to town for aaron's performance with javier & syafiq. went to starbucks for a drink & left. we're late for mass. miloboy isn't picking up his calls. i need to pass him his stuff. i need to get contact lenses. i won't be seeing cheeky(s) today. you can't blame me for being a tad grumpy!

Natalli, bimboooooooooo! ohmygawd you're back :D teehee. i'm leaving on tuesday though. date soon! please say you're going for christmas bash. we need to go shopping. oh & bimbo wine! can't wait to see you honey <3

You had plenty money, 1922
You let other women make a fool of you

Sucker for jazz & deep voices.

Would you date me on the regular?

2006-12-14T23:08:00.000+08:00

My life & love will still go on

A series of not-so-unfortunate events:

- wake up call from my hamster at 8am
- finding our way to potong pasir CC
- b.boys: d'cruz, g.monteiro, melvyn, amin & h(?)!
- dyed hair/tattoos/piercings galore
- happy meal with jaytee at macs
- one pink hello kitty for ragy :]
- didn't win but still the sexiest team!
- to the dentist with amin the moo
- lift from moomoo to the station :D yay
- long overdue hair cut
- spent life savings & had to call mom (S.O.S)
- dinner at cartel with gran/mom/cat
- catching up with cheeky monteiro (pointless banter) :D

nicholasleechenghan :D (last week)

the people who get me going every morning (literally)

anhong says:
and you got a pic with that PUNKASS!!!

anhong says:
i swear if i see him on the street trying to be a beng...
i will wallop his ass.

I just found that really cute & amusing :]

I'M SICK OF YOU STRINGING ME ALONG.